Romance.

I think food and romance are totally linked.

From oysters, to strawberries and cream, to the spaghetti scene in Lady & the Tramp, the lusty feast in Tom Jones.

I think we, we express love through food.

The best dinner I ever had was made with such tenderness and love for me and that, that is really, it’s such a simple expression of love but such a powerful one.

The first stage of romance is that dizzy head spinning teenage bit. You tend to eat not very much at all. It tends to be the sort of food that you can pick a bit at, leave and come back to. I suppose its all to do with that sort of decadent feeling of being in love, where it feels that the world will wait for you.

I think that old book shops ooze with romance. I think the history of books, of where they came from and who had them and loved them, is part of their magic.

You know, finding the first edition of a old postcard, in the back of that book that someone’s forgotten about. The romance can be found in the dedications.

“To Jane: Blue beetles, strawberries, poplars, orioles and a ford.” - the most obliquely romantic thing ever.

“He loved 3 things alone:
White peacocks, even song, old maps of america.
He hated children crying, and raspberry jam with his tea, and womanly hysteria.
And he had married me.”

I think train stations are historically romantic.
You have Brief Encounter, you have the old sort of 30’s & 40’s images of the Orient Express. It sums up everything.

And that whole notion of seeing a stranger through a train window or across the platform. Catching their eye, and they’re gone.

7. Rambles, Shambles & Brambles

Hello blog,

I hope that you have been well.

I've been feeling a bit ramble-ish lately. First day back at university today and it was terrifying. Usually i'm quite excited to go back, see my friends and get started on my education.

Not this time.

I suppose in a way, i'm feeling like i shouldn't be there. Doing a masters, i only know one person on my course, all of my other friends have graduated. Which, i know, makes perfect sense. I'm MChem, they're BSc. Yet, as i was looking around the room, at my peers, i just couldn't shake the feeling that i did not belong. It was an peculiar experience. Almost as if i should have joined everyone else in their graduations. 

I doesn't really help, blog, that I'm not really supposed to be there anyway, scraping through the masters course literally by the skin of my teeth. And although my lecturer would never outrightly say it, i could sense his eyes staring at me. He knew, i knew it. It remained unspoken, my grades last year were not what they expected. But i'm here now, and i need to prove him wrong.

With it being MChem, my personal work load has increased so much. I have an insane project that i have a year to complete. I spoke to my Project Captain today, it did not go well. It's not that he's a horrible person blog, quite the contrary actually. That's the thing though, too nice, too laid back. I need structure if I'm to succeed. I've been given a free mind to do whatever chemical project i want, any at all. Crap. My mind tends to run away with itself on a tangent, i could end up doing something so far from what i wanted, i don't want this, i can't have this. Yet, i feel that he won't attempt to reign my back at all. I don't think in my life i'll have to discipline my creativity so much as will have to in the the next 9 months. I can't be so chaotic.

There is a plus side to these past few weeks blog. With the start of uni, is the start of all my friends coming back, i've drank many a bramble in font, catching up on old times. And even though its been 3 months, it doesn't really feel like that at all, but i guess, in some way, it never does.

And that's always nice isn't it blog?

I really don't envy the freshers, sure party all night, first year not counting towards anything, halls of residence. But the friends they pick/find now, will more than likely be the ones they know all their life. It's a scary thought, choose wisely, i got lucky.

Till later..

6. Ceremonials

Greetings blog,

As you're probably aware, the titles to my blogs have something to do with how i'm feeling or what's been going on in my life at that given moment.

Ceremonials...

I've actually got Florence + The Machine to thank for this particular title. It's the title for the upcoming album, and if it's anything like the 2 singles released it will be a smash hit. I've always like her hauntingly gospel like sound and ghostly lyrics that strike a nerve. It annoys me that people don't like her because they think she's typically alternatively folksy or whatever... she's a talented singer/song writer and deserves the recognition.

Anyway, I digress..

The point is, that her 2 new singles have really struck a chord with me at the moment.

You have What The Water Gave Me which is a clear allusion to Virginia Woolf's suicide and the painfully beautiful painting Frieda Kahlo. I guess, the whole song is about exploring death and the water being this overwhelming natural force that can either take life or revive it. It started to make me think about the overwhelming factors in my life, and if i've really let them become a burden. "Let the only sound be the overflow"... sometimes when your life is full, it can be quite peaceful to just take note of what's going on around those things, the overflow.

Then, Shake It Out.
The whole song just makes me literally want to shake out my problems, no matter how dark they are. Start a new.
"I am done with my graceless heart. So tonight, i'm going to cut it out and restart". But it's ok to look for the good in myself and yet keep the real darkness and issues to myself, because i'm only human. It's in my nature.

I think i really just understood that life is a ceremony. That life is an event, deserves to be celebrated because it is not infinite. I need to start looking more, at all of the little things and all of the big things. We were born to use our eyes, to see the wind in the long green grass, and the blue in the skies.

I'm going to try and make everything a little ceremony.  Life is only on earth, and not for long.

Till later...

5. A Scottish Caesura

Morning Blog,
& how are you today?


So, Scotland was really, really fun. I think primarily, because i was with my whole entire family.
I guess i thought of them being so isolated, in Aberdeen. But in truth, it's me that's become somewhat isolated. All i have with me is my mum and dad.

I think it struct home hard this time around because I've become more mature. There's a huge age gap between me and my 5 cousins.

37, 36, 33, 33 & 25. With me being 21.

And i guess,  now, i was actually able to have decent conversations with them. I was no longer the kid in the corner who had nothing in common with his family. I talked about chemical agriculture (something that ordinarily i wouldn't dare) but because my dissertation is loosely based on chemical farming and my cousin owns a farm, it was interesting. He gave me a few contacts as well, for future career ideas :)

My other cousin teaches high school chemistry. Enough said really.


It's just, this time, i felt more like a part of the family :)
I went out for a pint with Greig, the youngest, and it was nice to actually chat to him. I don't think we've ever properly conversed, unless it was instigated by our folks, despite there only being a 4 year difference.   But it was lovely, we have a lot more in common than i actually thought. I *might* even be travelling with him to Svalbard in april. We all know that would be immense, right?


The city of Aberdeen truly is beautiful as well. I really wouldn't mind moving up there y'know..


Not much else to report I'm afraid blog. The fringe festival was so good! It was nice to be able to walk around in the day with a kilt on to be honest. Saw a few comedy shows, visited some amazing coffee shops, the usual ;)


Again, Edinburgh could be one of those places. It looks like I'm set on moving up north, ha!


Oh! I forgot to show you, perhaps my greatest purchase of the year (apart from my Mac Book heh!)

What you're looking at blog, is a 113 year old copy of The Inferno Of Dante.
In pretty good condition too. It's just perfect, i can't wait to start reading it!

Anyway, that's enough from me for today at least,

Till later...

4. My North Power

Hello, blog.

It has been a while and for that i apologize.

The evening is warm and i am finally in front of computer long enough to talk to you. I must confess, please ignore my last post, for i did not want to cause offence. I did start a new blog but it's nothing special. It's not what we have.

From when I last posted to you, a shocking 6 weeks ago, not much has changed. Apart from my attitude maybe.
I've struggled with the rejection that i guess everyone at some point in their life goes through. I went for a really important interview and for political reasons (this is tbc, as i may still be bitter) didn't get it and i suppose to a string of things that followed.

Then, i don't really know how (maybe i stopped listening to Adele) i stopped caring. Found an amazing group of guys, started talking to old friends and came up with a plan. And we all know, blog, how i like my plans to keep me in check 8-) Also, i came across one of my my favourite book quotes that just reminded me of the fun i was having when i read Republic.

"Sweet hope is in his heart
 Nurse and companion to his age
 Hope, captain of the ever-twisting
 Mind of mortal men"

I just love that quote, it just sort of puts everything into perspective to me, and puts me back into place.

Just between you and me blog, there is a major plan being thought up at the moment, one that could potentially change everything.

I just seem to have started my life up again (yay!) and i have an awesome few weeks ahead of me!

Blog, i'm moving, to Scotland! Well, i have wedding in Aberdeen, but i'm doing a tour of some cities on the way back. I get to wear a kilt, which is something, i'm told, my folks want to buy for me for graduation next year. I get to the Fringe festival in Edinburgh as well, unfortunately i'm missing out on my heart throb Josh Widdicombe :( But, i'm getting tickets to Margaret Cho instead! Also, i'm visiting a lovely little independent roastery, and i've already been given orders by Wayne, Jane and a few others to get them something nice! I don't know what it is about Scotland, i feel happier there, sort of like when i get to see Kate in Newcastle. There is a sense of freedom, and a whole new set of rules that i enjoy. It's going to be really nice to catch up with cousins as well.

Uni is finally becoming something to look forward again. It's like my masters is going to be a fresh start for me. I'm on my own, independent work, and it's something that i can just throw myself into. I'll keep you posted on my experiments :)

Well, that's all i'm going to write for now. I've met so many new people and just enjoyed myself these past couple of weeks that it's difficult to pick out what to tell you.

OH! Check out Nick Drake, i found him randomly and he is truly magnificent. Listen straight to 'Magic' first, you won't regret it.


Till later..

3. Change

Dearest Blog,

I have left you for some time now, though not entirely through my own fault.

Since we last spoke, my life has been a whirlwind.
Trips to theme parks and to our capitial.
My summer had started, and yet the momentum, now, feels that it's dwinding.

It was stating to feel that I had done so much, that I was eventually getting to tired of the sameness of it, of the whole experience.

But blog, I came to realise, after quite an interesting week, that the sameness had been brought upon by myself. Subconsciously I wanted it all the same, I was afraid that if all the fun stopped, I would be left empty, with nothing to do.

I guess you could say I was self sabotaging my summer. Self-sabotage is a personality trait, amongst others, that I'm come to realise that I need to work on.

I'm tired blog. I'm tired of striving for the perfection in life. Not to say that it dissapoints me when things dont go well, but it's just what's the point? What is the point in looiking for perfection when most of the time you work and earn it.

I've started my life sorbet again. Though you won't find me up in Newcatle anytime soon (unfortunately). I'm staying here, i'm excersising, eating well, walking and meditating. All to find myself again, I've even started to do all the things that I've wanted to do that have just got pushed back or others have put me off. I will soon be the proud owner of a violin and a bike :)

I will keep you updated blog, though I must confess, I may start a new blog. I feel like something new.

Till later..

2. Encumbrance..

Evening Blog, how have you been?

I've been wanting to write to you about a subject that's been on my mind for a while now, I feared that it may seem to melancholic for our third communication, but I really need to express this. 

Pressure. There comes a time in everyone's life where we feel the pressure of a situation. Of course it's how you deal with such a thing that allows for personal growth and a better understanding of oneself. But there are many kinds of pressure, Blog.

Can you narrow them down and categorise them? Is it even possible? Does it follow the simple "fight or flight" model? 

Some people thrive off of the stuff. It's when they can truly show that they can preform on top. I know this because I have had some of my greatest moments in work due to the sheer amount of extra pressure on the task given. The problem I have is, it is not as consistent as I would like. One person's defining moment is another's downfall, but why? Yes, I know we are all different, and that is one of the joys of humanity, but when does pressure become a burden for someone? Is it solely a variety in skill, or is there something deeper like an emotional connection?

There have been a few instances in the past few years of my young adulthood where the pressure to preform in a task has been so difficult,making it feel more like an incredible burden than an amazing opportunity. I find that when I'm questioning myself as to why this is, instead of assessing my skills and looking for a way to improve, I compare myself to those around me, those that have achieved what I want without it feeling the heaviness that I did. I should be where they are. I should be just as good as them, but I'm not.

But why Blog? Why am I comparing myself to others?

Do we crave acceptance from others? That if we can handle what they can, we're in? As a society, we love to compete to be the best and have the best. No one really tells you though that with it all comes the pressure of keeping it and staying at the top. I compare so that I know what I have to strive for, that soon I can be great like those around me.

The definition of pressure is the amount of force applied on a object. Straight away, in that little sentence, you can screw yourself over. You already have the force of the situation, then force yourself to preform better with a little 'healthy' competition and then if you add the force of the comparison that someone, somewhere has done it better than you and the odds are quite simply against you. Fight or flight. The way I see it, the more you burden yourself with pressure the less likely you are to truly emerge triumphant. It's an exponential graph of doom.

And we still fall for it. 

I suppose the reason why I sometimes compare, is that I can't stand the thought that if somebody has done better than me in the exact same situation that they somehow now, have to right to judge me on how I handle it. 

Do you ever feel like that Blog, or is it just me? 

Till later...