7. Rambles, Shambles & Brambles

Hello blog,

I hope that you have been well.

I've been feeling a bit ramble-ish lately. First day back at university today and it was terrifying. Usually i'm quite excited to go back, see my friends and get started on my education.

Not this time.

I suppose in a way, i'm feeling like i shouldn't be there. Doing a masters, i only know one person on my course, all of my other friends have graduated. Which, i know, makes perfect sense. I'm MChem, they're BSc. Yet, as i was looking around the room, at my peers, i just couldn't shake the feeling that i did not belong. It was an peculiar experience. Almost as if i should have joined everyone else in their graduations. 

I doesn't really help, blog, that I'm not really supposed to be there anyway, scraping through the masters course literally by the skin of my teeth. And although my lecturer would never outrightly say it, i could sense his eyes staring at me. He knew, i knew it. It remained unspoken, my grades last year were not what they expected. But i'm here now, and i need to prove him wrong.

With it being MChem, my personal work load has increased so much. I have an insane project that i have a year to complete. I spoke to my Project Captain today, it did not go well. It's not that he's a horrible person blog, quite the contrary actually. That's the thing though, too nice, too laid back. I need structure if I'm to succeed. I've been given a free mind to do whatever chemical project i want, any at all. Crap. My mind tends to run away with itself on a tangent, i could end up doing something so far from what i wanted, i don't want this, i can't have this. Yet, i feel that he won't attempt to reign my back at all. I don't think in my life i'll have to discipline my creativity so much as will have to in the the next 9 months. I can't be so chaotic.

There is a plus side to these past few weeks blog. With the start of uni, is the start of all my friends coming back, i've drank many a bramble in font, catching up on old times. And even though its been 3 months, it doesn't really feel like that at all, but i guess, in some way, it never does.

And that's always nice isn't it blog?

I really don't envy the freshers, sure party all night, first year not counting towards anything, halls of residence. But the friends they pick/find now, will more than likely be the ones they know all their life. It's a scary thought, choose wisely, i got lucky.

Till later..

6. Ceremonials

Greetings blog,

As you're probably aware, the titles to my blogs have something to do with how i'm feeling or what's been going on in my life at that given moment.

Ceremonials...

I've actually got Florence + The Machine to thank for this particular title. It's the title for the upcoming album, and if it's anything like the 2 singles released it will be a smash hit. I've always like her hauntingly gospel like sound and ghostly lyrics that strike a nerve. It annoys me that people don't like her because they think she's typically alternatively folksy or whatever... she's a talented singer/song writer and deserves the recognition.

Anyway, I digress..

The point is, that her 2 new singles have really struck a chord with me at the moment.

You have What The Water Gave Me which is a clear allusion to Virginia Woolf's suicide and the painfully beautiful painting Frieda Kahlo. I guess, the whole song is about exploring death and the water being this overwhelming natural force that can either take life or revive it. It started to make me think about the overwhelming factors in my life, and if i've really let them become a burden. "Let the only sound be the overflow"... sometimes when your life is full, it can be quite peaceful to just take note of what's going on around those things, the overflow.

Then, Shake It Out.
The whole song just makes me literally want to shake out my problems, no matter how dark they are. Start a new.
"I am done with my graceless heart. So tonight, i'm going to cut it out and restart". But it's ok to look for the good in myself and yet keep the real darkness and issues to myself, because i'm only human. It's in my nature.

I think i really just understood that life is a ceremony. That life is an event, deserves to be celebrated because it is not infinite. I need to start looking more, at all of the little things and all of the big things. We were born to use our eyes, to see the wind in the long green grass, and the blue in the skies.

I'm going to try and make everything a little ceremony.  Life is only on earth, and not for long.

Till later...

5. A Scottish Caesura

Morning Blog,
& how are you today?


So, Scotland was really, really fun. I think primarily, because i was with my whole entire family.
I guess i thought of them being so isolated, in Aberdeen. But in truth, it's me that's become somewhat isolated. All i have with me is my mum and dad.

I think it struct home hard this time around because I've become more mature. There's a huge age gap between me and my 5 cousins.

37, 36, 33, 33 & 25. With me being 21.

And i guess,  now, i was actually able to have decent conversations with them. I was no longer the kid in the corner who had nothing in common with his family. I talked about chemical agriculture (something that ordinarily i wouldn't dare) but because my dissertation is loosely based on chemical farming and my cousin owns a farm, it was interesting. He gave me a few contacts as well, for future career ideas :)

My other cousin teaches high school chemistry. Enough said really.


It's just, this time, i felt more like a part of the family :)
I went out for a pint with Greig, the youngest, and it was nice to actually chat to him. I don't think we've ever properly conversed, unless it was instigated by our folks, despite there only being a 4 year difference.   But it was lovely, we have a lot more in common than i actually thought. I *might* even be travelling with him to Svalbard in april. We all know that would be immense, right?


The city of Aberdeen truly is beautiful as well. I really wouldn't mind moving up there y'know..


Not much else to report I'm afraid blog. The fringe festival was so good! It was nice to be able to walk around in the day with a kilt on to be honest. Saw a few comedy shows, visited some amazing coffee shops, the usual ;)


Again, Edinburgh could be one of those places. It looks like I'm set on moving up north, ha!


Oh! I forgot to show you, perhaps my greatest purchase of the year (apart from my Mac Book heh!)

What you're looking at blog, is a 113 year old copy of The Inferno Of Dante.
In pretty good condition too. It's just perfect, i can't wait to start reading it!

Anyway, that's enough from me for today at least,

Till later...