7. Rambles, Shambles & Brambles

Hello blog,

I hope that you have been well.

I've been feeling a bit ramble-ish lately. First day back at university today and it was terrifying. Usually i'm quite excited to go back, see my friends and get started on my education.

Not this time.

I suppose in a way, i'm feeling like i shouldn't be there. Doing a masters, i only know one person on my course, all of my other friends have graduated. Which, i know, makes perfect sense. I'm MChem, they're BSc. Yet, as i was looking around the room, at my peers, i just couldn't shake the feeling that i did not belong. It was an peculiar experience. Almost as if i should have joined everyone else in their graduations. 

I doesn't really help, blog, that I'm not really supposed to be there anyway, scraping through the masters course literally by the skin of my teeth. And although my lecturer would never outrightly say it, i could sense his eyes staring at me. He knew, i knew it. It remained unspoken, my grades last year were not what they expected. But i'm here now, and i need to prove him wrong.

With it being MChem, my personal work load has increased so much. I have an insane project that i have a year to complete. I spoke to my Project Captain today, it did not go well. It's not that he's a horrible person blog, quite the contrary actually. That's the thing though, too nice, too laid back. I need structure if I'm to succeed. I've been given a free mind to do whatever chemical project i want, any at all. Crap. My mind tends to run away with itself on a tangent, i could end up doing something so far from what i wanted, i don't want this, i can't have this. Yet, i feel that he won't attempt to reign my back at all. I don't think in my life i'll have to discipline my creativity so much as will have to in the the next 9 months. I can't be so chaotic.

There is a plus side to these past few weeks blog. With the start of uni, is the start of all my friends coming back, i've drank many a bramble in font, catching up on old times. And even though its been 3 months, it doesn't really feel like that at all, but i guess, in some way, it never does.

And that's always nice isn't it blog?

I really don't envy the freshers, sure party all night, first year not counting towards anything, halls of residence. But the friends they pick/find now, will more than likely be the ones they know all their life. It's a scary thought, choose wisely, i got lucky.

Till later..